In the 1970’s, when I went to high school, worked at the local factories and even began college, there wasn’t a lot of money for a nice car. So to get from A-Z with very, very, basic transportation, my friends and I drove wrecks. We called them “Runners”. Clunkers, held together with nothing more than hope and a prayer to Saint Bondo. Most of our tires resembled Uncle Fester’s head. It was not uncommon for a quart of oil or transmission fluid to slide out from under the front seat as these old iron horses were constantly leaking vital fluids on their way to the final rodeo.
I probably owned six or seven runners in just a few, short years. They were Fords, Dodges, Oldsmobile’s, hell I even had a Studebaker. We drove them till they dropped. If it was something minor, we fixed it ourselves. Major repairs? Sorry old girl, it’s the hook for you all the way to the junkyard. We always had our eyes peeled for the next one. It might be sitting in a crappy car lot or under a tree in someone’s front yard. One of my favorites was a 1969 Ford Galaxy. Kind of new by runner’s standards but by the time I got her she was pretty played. Still looked good though, baby blue. I put these fake, wide, white wall tire covers on and it made the wheels look like a car from the 40’s. She was all powder blue and white, like a piece of partly cloudy sky rolling down the street. One of my friends nicknamed her “The Dream”. It stuck.
I had just finished my second year of college at St. Francis in Fort Wayne and I had a job at JC Penny in the Display Department. I created displays for various areas of the store like the Men’s department and on this particular day my manager led me to a rack of men’s casual shirts. He instructed me to choose one of the shirts and put together something for the upcoming Summer Sale. There were some pretty nice shirts hanging there but the one’s that caught my eye were way down on the end. I saw five or six of the same shirt and I have to tell you they were some of the ugliest garments I have ever seen in my life. They had a strange plaid pattern and lapels that looked like they were designed by NASA. I immediately chose one of them. My manager looked at me and said ” You’re gonna use one of these? We have never sold one of these shirts since they got here weeks ago”. I nodded and he just walked away shaking his head. As I took the shirt and started to dress a headless mannequin, I remembered something I had read once. People don’t always know what they want. For a variety of reasons, sometimes they need to be told. So I was kinda like saying “Hey, look at this ugly shirt. You don’t want to buy this do you?” And they would think, “I don’t know, it’s not that bad.” You know, Reverse Psychology. So, I put up the display and the hideous shirts from NASA sold out in a week.
It was an early spring day and I had just finished my shift at the department store. I was still living with my folks then so I jumped in the Dream and started the forty or so mile trip home. I unbuttoned my coat and relaxed as I rolled westward on US Highway 30. After twenty minutes or so, approaching Columbia City, I felt something with the car wasn’t quite right. I was slowing down but I was not trying to slow down. I pressed the gas pedal harder and the engine got louder but my speed remained the same. Just then it dawned on me what was going on. My transmission was letting go, the Dream was dying! “Shit” I said out loud. I’ve got to make it home.
Now, there are a lot of traffic lights on US 30 when you pass Columbia City. As I timed and maneuvered my way through them the situation worsened. By the time I had finally made it past the last traffic signal I had the Dream floored and was only traveling about thirty miles per hour. The engine sounded like she would explode any second. About a half a mile further it was over. I pulled her to the side of the road and hung my head.
I guess all families have certain traits. Mine was no different. As I sat there in the Dream by the side of the highway and thought of what to do next, one of my family traits kicked in. Stubbornness. I started to play with the gear shift lever. It felt like an overcooked noodle when I moved from Low to High in the automatic settings. Just then, a glimmer of hope. I still had Reverse!
OK, I admit it, I have done some stupid shit in my life but stubbornness is a powerful thing. I knew from driving this route countless times that the turn off for Old Road 30 was only a few hundred yards ahead. If I could get back on the road when traffic was stopped and waiting at the last light, I just might be able to drive in reverse to the turn off before they reached me. Once there, I would have more options, so I reasoned, to make my next move. I sat and thought about the plan for a few minutes. I concluded that it was a dangerous, reckless, careless, stupid, even idiotic idea. So, I decided to go for it.
I looked over my right shoulder back at the traffic signal. Soon it turned yellow, then red and the cars began to stop. I didn’t know how long I had, a minute maybe, before the light would change to green and the and the traffic would begin to drive towards me. I put the Dream into reverse and did a U turn onto the highway. I am not sure how many of you have ever driven a car backwards and fast for any distance but I’m here to tell you, it ain’t easy. As I swerved from lane to lane across the road I would look up every few seconds to see if the traffic light had changed. Not yet, not yet, oh, there it goes. The signal was now green and the traffic began to accelerate forward towards my car. My heart raced as I pushed forward, I mean backwards, trying to reach the exit. Suddenly, the oncoming drivers seemed to realize that they were looking at the front of my car and concluded that I was going the wrong way. I mean come on, I would never do anything that dumb. Anyway, they were starting to swerve and as they got even closer I could see the WTF expressions on their faces. I made it to the turn off with about twenty five yards to spare amid a chorus of horns and one finger salutes.
Now what? I got out of the car and looked down Old Road 30. It was a winding, two lane country road now and it was getting late in the day. ” There is no way I am going to attempt driving backwards down that” I thought to myself. I locked the Dream up and walked back to the highway to hitchhike home. I smiled. No big deal. I can get one of my friends to tow the car home this weekend. Time to start looking for another runner. I turned, stuck my thumb out and started walking down the highway. Backwards, of course.